Hi Sehrish! Starting with your cover page, it is really interesting to see the picture that you chose. It actually reminds me of something off of Cirque du Soleil. I think that the color scheme you chose for the picture gives the impression of peace and calm, as well as the idea that the karma being accumulated is good. I also like the description that you gave for karma beneath the picture. Moving on to the introduction, I love the way that you are presenting it! The idea of the stories being told as if they are news stories is great! I think that the way you chose to present Karma as if it is a news reporter is wonderful. It is going to be very interesting to keep up with as time passes. I love how energetic and fast paced the story seems like it will go. I think that the inclusion of King Dasharatha and his fate is a great way to display the effect of karma on someone. I also think that the inclusion of Ahalya is interesting, though I don't think that she should have been punished for what happened to her. Overall, I love the way you are doing this story and I look forward to seeing how it goes. Keep up the great work!!
Good morning Sehrish! I really enjoyed visiting your storybook page. On entering your website I found myself esthetically pleased by how everything was organized and color schemed. The whole black and blue thing you have going not only looks quite nice, but also gives a reader the feeling of something formidable or concrete such as Karma. I also found the definition on the first page to be a great decision. While some people may have a brief understanding of what Karma is, after visiting your cover page they have a decent understanding of what one of the most powerful forces in the universe actually is. Moving onto the introduction, I thought the stance of a news organization was rather clever. This news reporting sounds as if it will continue to be a fun and entertaining read. The way in which you set up the introduction and how you touched on what instances of Karma you might touch on in the future was a nice addition. I thought the lesson of time picture at the bottom of the page was pretty cool. It once again put the power of Karma into perspective but in a fun somewhat morbid kind of way. Well I thoroughly enjoyed everything have going on in your storybook, I look forward to reading more as it comes together.
Coverpage: I like your image, it looks very cool and modern and has a built-in slogan. I'm not so sure about the explanation of karma below it - it seems kind of out of place, though it is good information. Maybe put it in the intro?
Intro:
First, I just saw a big scary block of text!!! You could try double spacing, or breaking up the paragraphs to make it easier to read (especially on a computer screen).
Other than that, your premise is very neat and I love the way you characterize Karma. You explain how karma works while making it sound in-character as a reporter.
You use "God" once, which isn't exactly accurate to the Hindu setting, and you used Brahma elsewhere, so I would suggest changing that.
You do a good job previewing the stories you'll tell, though maybe you give a little too much detail up front. You could try writing them more like those teasers you hear from TV news all the time, or more like headlines.
1st story:
Karma sounds a little cruel, like he/she takes a bit too much pleasure in killing people. I get that it's a necessary job and a consequence of past actions, but maybe make it sound not so fun?
I like how Karma narrates throughout the story, adding little commentaries and personal opinions. The 'voice' in this story is very clear and unique.
Hey Sehrish! I chose you as my one free choice of the week since I did not get the opportunity to comment on your storybook project last week! I just got done reading your storybook: The Karma Times and I have to say it is a very clever and interesting concept! I love how you personified Karma as having a silly and haughty personality. All the titles for the various pages are so funny and truly make the character of karma feel omnipresent. Also I love the concept of how Karma plans some his deaths. Using the story of King Dasaratha in the forest was also very clever to convey the idea of Karma and what it is about. I feel that your storybook will do an adequate job in teaching the concept of Karma in a humorous and clever way. You have set yourself up well in the sense that you have a lot of room to work with in terms of choice of story and creativity wise because Karma is a very major factor throughout many Indian Epics. I can’t wait to see what other epics you choose to adapt into your storybook. Best of luck!
I think your title screen is solid, but it could be spruced up in some way other than just displaying the word karma and its "motto". Is there a type of person or animal, (or even object) that better symbolizes karma? Since your karma character is a mercenary of sorts, maybe you can use that to your advantage in your pictures. You also talk about your character teaching others a proper lesson, so maybe your character could take on the persona of a teacher, professor, or wise old coot?
I think how your character likes to brag about his lessons he has given makes for an interesting exposition. "Hey guys, did you hear about this hitman job I did? Boy that was hard work, but here's my reasoning... (exposition of the story here)" And I think it works for you, although it can be a little long to read. I think instead of your character "knwoing" Dasarathra was going to eventually do something regrettable, it could be more interesting to also try to talk about how much you warned him. You could say, I tried to warn him by hiding his sandals that day, but he went ahead and hunted in his bare feet.
Hi Sehrish. Thanks for your comments on my storybook. I am glad to know that my storybook style is working, even though you have seen others with a similar theme that did not work so well. I was hoping I would be able to do the tv thing well, and it is reassuring to hear you liked it.
Sehrish, Thank you for your comments, especially those on my storytelling posts. Your comments have definitely helped me to improve my posts and add in more detail to various parts.
Hey Sehrish, thanks for all the feedback you have left me on my various posts. Your feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you can continue to give me ideas on how to improve my posts in the future.
Hey Sehrish, great job on your storybook project so far! It looks great and I enjoyed reading all your stories so far! Before I forget, I noticed that you misspelled Gautama throughout the whole story, I would definitely go back and change that and If it helps I always read out my story because without knowing I make the most silly mistakes. I think your idea for the whole storybook is solid and clear. I love how to chose to write the story in various manners. I enjoyed reading both the stories because they were not boring instead they were interesting the whole time. I think that is great because you don't want your readers to be bored. I love the picture you chose of Ahalya and Brahma it is such a beautiful picture I must say! Overall, I love the idea of your book and love the stories and pictures you chose. I would maybe chose some color or layout to interest your readers a little more. I think the cover page needs some color. I think If you add some color to the overall storybook it would bring great interest to the readers and make your book more appealing. Just some suggestions to think about! Overall, your book is great! Good job so far! Can't wait to read more stories.
Hey Sehrish. I haven’t had a chance to look at your blog yet, so I thought that I could take a look at your storybook for my free choice this week. Coverpage: I really like the picture and the colors that you used. Everything contrasts very well, making it easy to read all of the text. Introduction: This is such a great idea for a storybook. I like how you discussed the way that karma takes various amounts of time to accomplish tasks. It was also really cool how you discussed the basic principles of karma (what goes around comes around). While the picture at the end had a good quote to summarize karma, I would also recommend including another picture somewhere earlier in your introduction of a news station or possibly what you think karma looks like. Overall, your introduction was very good. I really liked the sneak peak of the stories to come and am curious to see what your third and fourth stories will be about. King Dasharatha’s Demise: This is a very interesting take on the story of Dasaratha killed the boy. One thing that I noticed was at the end of your story, the font changed a few times. Between your author’s note and bibliography. The only suggestion that I have would be to move the picture into your story, perhaps just below the story of when Dasaratha killed the boy.
Hi Sehrish! I think your idea for your storybook is really creative. Your website also fits your idea because newspapers are usually black and white. When I first saw your website I thought it was a simple looking website until I read your introduction that is when I understood why your page looked like it does. By the way it is not simple anymore. It is really cool how you managed to kind of personify karma into a news reporter with different projects of varying times. It’s a great way to explain karma and also tell a story at the same time. You also did a good job on providing a background on karma, especially when you said people blame karma for things which ties perfectly in with the news reporter thing because people usually blame media for things too. Your first news assignment was a very interesting read, and I liked how you left out the dead boy’s situation to leave that a suspense and let the readers imagine their own thing. You also did a good job of using this assignment to transition into your next post. Overall I think you did a great job on your story book posts and I hope to be reading more in the future.
Hi Sehrish! I had a great first impression of your storybook! I love the layout of your cover page, and the colors are great. It looks intense and definitely drew my attention. I also really like the image you chose for you cover page. I think it gives the reader enough idea of what the storybook is going to be about and really makes the reader want to continue to read. I love the topic that you chose, I think it really stands out from the other storybooks and will be something really interesting to read. I think it is definitely a relatable topic. I really like the image that you chose to put in your introduction as well. It really puts things into perspective and makes you think deep about what karma is and how it surrounds us in everyday life, especially within nature. It really makes you reevaluate your life, but motivates you as well. As for your stories, I absolutely love your writing. It is simple, yet proves a point. I love the perspective that you have. The only thing I would suggest changing would be the font. Since you have a white background, I think you could really play around with the font and do something a little more interesting and exciting like the rest of your storybook! Overall GREAT job! I can't wait to read more of your storybook in the future!
Hey, Sehrish! You came up with such a creative storybook topic – I’m very impressed! In your introduction, you did a wonderful job of being informative by throwing in examples of King Dasharatha and having Rama release Ahalya. Additionally, writing this storybook in first person has added a lot of room for fun narration and is such a unique view of what the personality of Karma would maybe be like. Additionally, your image was very relevant and fit in the introduction well. Your first story was very well-written and I appreciate how you wrote the story of the hunting incident in a concise way. Furthermore, I really like the image you chose- it was perfectly applicable and also added some color to the page. In your author’s note I saw that you were not sure if you were doing a good job of portraying Karma’s personality. Let me just tell you that you’re doing a wonderful job of portraying Karma’s personality and I appreciate the liveliness that you have given him. For the next story, I appreciate how you distinguished between how feelings were not Indra’s fault but his actions were since there’s definitely a difference. I agree with you that Ahalya was not at fault- it was disgusting what Indra dead and Ahalya shouldn’t be punished. After all, I think it is terrible enough for her to realize the mistake and live with the emotions she had afterwards. Great storybook and I look forward to reading more!
Hi there Sehrish! I really liked reading your storybook story. You Karma Times newspaper turned out to be very interesting unlike other newspaper which are pretty boring to read. Your writing also got me interested to read further on into the story which usually doesn’t happen if I ever pick up a newspaper, I just read the big bold printed headlines and look at the cool pictures. I like how you were able to keep the newspaper scandalous but at the same time it also gave justice. It wasn’t something to just grab someone’s attention and gossip about stuff. I also liked the fact that Karma believed that Ahalya was not at fault. I thought it was really unfair that Ahalya got punished for something she was tricked into doing. I didn’t like that Gautama wasn’t taught a lesson either but you managed to explain to him what he did wrong in your version of the story too. Another cool thing you did was the all capital lettered words when you were trying to emphasize something. I could imagine you talking to me and getting all hyped up about it. I couldn’t really think of any ways you could make it better so I good job!
I have no Deadline: Just starting off, I love the idea of a Karma newspaper, as well as the personification of Karma. This introduction is absolutely great!!! I like that you have Karma as an agent of for Brahma and that not only is he an enforcer, he is also a reporter. It thought it was interesting how Karma was after King Dasharatha for the act of killing that child. This was interesting because no matter how much good he did for the people he ruled over, Karma was still after him for his bad deed. I really liked how you included the story of Ahalya and how Karma did not truly fault anyone but Indra in her story.
King Dasharatha’s Demise: When I read the part of the story where Dasharatha blindly shot at what he thought was an animal I too thought about why he did not look before he shot. Growing up with my dad being a hunter I know NEVER to shot at something unless you know exactly what it is you are shooting at and want to kill it. I liked how Karma was talking from present day, but the stories were older.
Ahalya's Massive Misconception: What did Karma think of Indra’s thousand female parts being turned into eyes? Was this fair in the eyes of Karma? Even though Narayan’s version of this part is a little bit more graphic, I liked it better. I am glad that you based your story off of his version instead of Buck’s. I really like Karma’s voice. I like the way he is a little sassy and funny, but very serious about his job. You did a great job!! I really enjoyed reading this!!!
On first visiting your storybook I noticed the high contrast between the black and white backgrounds. I think this complements your karma theme very well, as does the image you chose for your coverage. I thought "I Have No Deadline" was a clever title for your introduction. You did a great job emphasizing the Karma has no set schedule, and operates at its' own pace. I also liked that you mentioned how karma is ultimately unavoidable. You also did a great job explaining how karma works, and that it is a direct result of the actions of an individual. I thought the example you used with King Dasharatha was a great way to tie in the story with your storybook theme. The image in this section of your storybook was a great was to get the reader to think about the concept of karma.
I thought you did a great job with "King Dasharatha's Demise". You did an excellent job of personifying karma, and getting into the head of karma as a character. This way a great way to tell the story of King Dasharatha while also explaining the outcome of the story from karma's perspective. I think that your shortening of the story worked very well here, as you included the major plot points that would have affected his karma.
Hey Sehrish! I chose you as my free choice this week because I wanted to see the latest additions to your storybook: The Karma Times: I See Everything. I just finished reading your story about King Dasharatha's Demise and it did not disappoint! Often times these epics have very extreme and weird circumstances that are hardly relatable but I feel like the character of Karma does a good job of making fun of the characters' often ridiculous actions. For example when you talked about King Dasharatha using only his hearing to kill animals. Karma's comments about how dumb and ridiculous this was makes the story quite humorous and mirror thoughts I often have when reading these epics. I really like how Karma is completely ridiculing the actions of Dasharatha throughout the story and really drives home the point that he had it coming. Leaving out the part where the king helps the blind parents also helps make it seem more like Dasharatha had it coming. I think you are doing a great job of personifying Karma and I really like his personality. It adds more layers and depth to the story through a different perspective. Keep up the good work!
Hey, Sehrish! I really like your storybook. I’ve already commented on the introduction and first story, so I’ll focus more on the last two. To start off, I love the alliteration in the titles – that’s so catchy and makes it that much more fun to read. Furthermore, I love the personality you have given Karma. In your author’s note you helped make him seem more human – like you said, he gets nervous and anxious, but he also does a good job. I appreciate how you put two pictures for the last story – it definitely helped give color to the black and white page, and helped me visualize the story as it progressed. The spacing for different paragraphs was also great because it helped break up the story. I found one typo on the last story “but he had a cursed placed on him” but it didn’t interfere with how I read the story at all. That’s simply one of the only improvements I could find. Lastly, the blog is set up nicely and is so easy to read since it’s mostly black and white, but I also like the aqua blue used for an accent color. I’m really looking forward to reading your final story – keep up the great work!
Hello Sehrish! I had not yet read your storybook, so I only really had time to read the introduction and first story. Overall, on first reading, fantastic work! You did a great job with the personality of Karma, and the details in the stories and the fact that they were so true to the epics was perfect. The images you used enhanced the karmic feel of the tales, and the black and white layout made the entire thing feel like a straightforward, no-nonsense news source. That being said, I found a few minor mistakes.
In your introduction, “I Have No Deadline,” there are a couple of errors I picked up on. For one, when you state, “Sometimes I work very quick. . .” this should actually be quickly. Later on the page, when speaking of Dasharatha’s death, you have “. . .a lot of planning and work though.” Here, you need to insert a comma after “work.” In the same paragraph, you have “. . . Ahalya back into his life,” when it should be, “. . . Ahalya back in his life.”
In “King Dasharatha’s Demise,” there are also a couple errors that I noted. In the opening paragraph, it should be consequences of not consequences from. The placement of “off the bat” in the third paragraph, while not outright wrong, is awkward to read. In the second last paragraph, I would put “of how what goes around,” rather than just “how what goes around” to make the sentence structure more parallel and thus smoother. And in the last sentence, you put “Ahayla” instead of “Ahalya.” All small things, easily fixed.
Seriously, though, you have done a great job on your storybook! What with the vindictive yet compassionate and justified characterization of Karma and the choice of stories through which to emphasize Karma’s roles in the epics, fantastic work!!
Hey there Sehrish. This is the first time that I have had the opportunity to read your storybook and I am throughly impressed with the path you have taken. I love the newspaper concept that you are working with and the style of storytelling you have chosen to use. Your introduction looks very strong thus far, other than a few grammatical issues it adequately describes your character and how the stories are to be told.
I think you have done a very good job with your first story and I really enjoyed reading it. I like the personality that you have given Karma and I think it helps the reader to better connect with your stories. I also liked that you explained the thought process that Karma goes through when deciding how he should reward or punish his cases. I think this helped to bring life to something that in the minds of most is just common saying.
As with the first story, your second story was also written quite well and I like the image that you chose to use. I think you provided a good background story to help the reader understand why Karma was needed to dal with these people while also not giving away too much information. You are doing a wonderful job so far with your stories and I hope to read more of them very soon. Keep up the great work.
Hi Sehrish, first off I would like to say I think you have a really creative theme for your storybook! The cover page does not do the rest of the pages justice, but I also realize it must be hard to find a picture clearly representing Karma so that is why you chose the simple word. The phrases ‘I see everything’ and ‘I have no deadline’ as your titles for the first two pages in your storybook fits the ideas of Karma well. The phrases ‘I see everything’ and ‘I have no deadline’ as your titles for the first two pages in your storybook fits the ideas of Karma well so I think this was a thoughtful choice. The introduction you created sets up the character of Karma and explains how the stories will be told so that works perfect. I like how Karma is a reporter assigned to this newspaper by Brahma. This makes them seem more ‘humanly’ so does your description of Karma’s emotions in the story I chose to read. Since Sita is my favorite character in the Ramayana, the story I chose to read for this post was ‘Sita’s Scorching Struggle’. I like the details you include before explaining Karma’s work in this situation to help the reader get a sense of the story’s background. Also, I thought the inclusion of the two pictures really add dimension to this story giving a visual representation of the peril Sita is facing that Karma must rescue her innocent heart from. Great work on this project!
Hi Sehrish! I chose to do my extra credit for the first time in this class and chose you to comment on. Like you said in the author’s note, I also thought it was pretty sad and also unfair that Sita had to jump in the fire to prove her innocence to Ram, even though she remained faithful and loyal to Ram the whole time. I feel like Ram should have trusted her and not test her. I think you did a great job of being the reporter like usual and giving Sita the justice that she deserved. The story was really easy to read, I did not really notice any grammar errors so I read through it very smoothly. I also thought you did a good job on making the reader feel like he or she was there at the time with the amount of description you put in and also the anxiousness of the reporter. Overall I think you did a great job like usual and also I could not find anything wrong or think of anything to make your story better. Good job, and I hope to be back to be reading more of your news reports.
I am from the Mythology class so I decided to pick your story for extra credit this week! I think it is so fun to have the opportunity to read stories from the other class that is on totally different material! I really like your cover page, I feel that you did a great job of keeping things simple but still were able to get your theme across. I think the colors work really well together and that the picture looks good in the middle of the page, great job!
I love your ‘I Have no Deadline’ story! I think it is such a creative and great idea to center your story on karma, I am too an avid believer in karma. I think that it is cool that the karma is speaking and explaining how people can be angry with him but at the end of the day he is simply giving them what they have already given to others. Great introduction page!
In your story ‘King Dasharatha’s Demise’ I think it is a very good idea that he has karma coming to him even though he is a king! Is so irresponsible of him to just be shooting his gun anywhere he pleases so it is good that karma has been sent.
I picked your story for the free week! The first thing I noticed, of course, was the cool background you chose! It definitely reminded me of a newspaper. I chose to read your storybook because I have enjoyed reading about karma over the course of this class and how it was used in the Indian Epics. I really like the personality that you gave the narrator and how you made the narrator karma! It was funny reading about "planning a job for months" and the title "I Have No Deadline" was pretty funny. Really great job at your introduction! I just thought it was extremely clever and was a perfect way to explain karma! I thought it was funny when you talked about the different "jobs" that karma had been working on. All your stories flowed so well and were very easy to read! You are so incredibly creative! I like how you connected all the stories and made all of them so similar. I think you picked the perfect stories to retell and did a great job explaining how you used the stories in your author's notes! Really great job on this story! This is definitely one of my favorites that I've gotten to read!
Hey Sehrish! Seeing that we had three free choices this week, I decided to revisit some of my favorite storybooks so far and see how they had progressed. And boy am I glad that I revisited yours! Last time I visited your site, it was pretty much black and white, and overall quite plain. Now, though, it looks awesome! I really like the newspaper background you chose, as it really helps set the atmosphere of this being a paper. One thing I might watch is the color of your background and text, as the black on gray makes it semi-difficult to read. Maybe change to white text? Just a thought.
So I decided to read your story “Ahalya’s Massive Misconception” this week, and I came in pretty invested as this is one of my favorite tales from the epics and honestly one I thought was unfair to all parties involved (minus Indra—he deserved what he got, haha). But onto your story!!
First off, I really love how you point how much of a bad idea it was to put all the beauty in the world in a single individual; so many problems could have been avoided if the gods in various religions/mythologies had a lick of sense. *sigh* In your story, you do a great job of focusing on how people with good intentions can make bad choices and how all choices, good or bad, have their consequences. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook!!
Hey Sehrish! I decided to choose your storybook as one of my free choices for this week's assignment. I'm glad I did! You're working with some great material here, but before I comment on your intro/first story, let me say a few things about the layout and general appearance of your site. Everything is cleanly laid out, so no complaints there. If I had to nitpick, I would suggest rethinking the light blue on a dark gray background. It might cause readers undue eye strain. The same goes for the very bright background image. Other than that, everything looks great! Now onto your content--it's excellent! Writing from the PO of Karma was a fantastic idea, and it works to great effect in your stories. I couldn't help but pity Dasaratha. Karma was a little harsh on him I think, especially for something that was truly an accident. Your writing is free of errors and flows nicely, and that's always something I appreciate when reading others' work. Keep up the good work! The end of the semester is just right around the corner.
Hello Sehrish! I decided to venture over to your storybook for my free choice this week and I am really glad I stopped by. Right when I got to your storybook, I found your storybook layout to be really awesome. I like bright images, so I thought your layout was really good. It was different than all the other storybooks I have read, so I found that to be really interesting as well. The newspaper background is really unique as well! I have not found anything like that on anyone else's blog, so it was really cool to read something on the newspaper background. I have to agree with others, that the color of the font was a little hard to read. Maybe change it up a bit so us who have bad eyes can easily see what you are typing without our contacts in! I like how you point out that not one individual should hold all the beauty in the world. I think that is important to touch on in your story, because I thought it was strange when I read the epics. I think you do a great job incorporating that into your story. Overall, great storybook!
Hey Sehrish, I just finished reading the latest additions to your storybook: The Karma Times: I See Everything, and really did not foresee you taking the last two stories in the direction that you did to be honest. I thought all three of these stories would be revenge stories where something the person did ends up coming back to be their undoing but these stories are about close calls with death as well. I was not expecting to read such stories but I am still impressed with the stories. Both stories are very well written and once again, the personality that you have created for Karma really shines in these stories. You did a great job of showing the good sides of karma and not just the bad results which is something my mind did not even go to. I really appreciated the story about Sita, because I also feel that she was not treated very well throughout the stories that we read. It was nice to see that Karma came through for her and saved her from burning in the fire in her test for Rama. The way Karma goes about saving Sita is very clever and well written. Overall, great job!
Hey Sehrish! It was great reading your final storybook project. It is amazing how it has come together. I really like how I got to see how it all came along. The theme of your storybook project is similar to mine except I chose to write stories about karma in children’s stories where as your storybook is about Karma as a person telling stories about his lifetime. I really liked all of your stories, but I mainly appreciated the story about King Dashratha. This was just mainly because that was one of my favorite stories throughout this class period and was one of the greatest times Karma has came into effect. You also did a really great job writing this story and made sure to always keep the reader interested. I also really enjoyed your introduction. It was great how you introduced Karma as a person. This was a theme that was really highlighted in the introduction and told the readers what they were getting themselves into. Another thing that I really liked was the whole page setup, it was really great and the colors were also greatly chosen. They seemed to highlight the main things on the page and make them really standout. I really liked how this storybook has turned out.
Hi Sehrish. Thank you for all of your comments over the semester. I especially appreciate your comments on my storytelling posts. Your comments provided positive feedback which really helped, as I am not a confident creative writer.
Hi Sehrish, thank you for all your comments that you left me through out the semester. i enjoyed reading them and using to my advantage and making my posts better. Thanks again!
Hi Sehrish! Starting with your cover page, it is really interesting to see the picture that you chose. It actually reminds me of something off of Cirque du Soleil. I think that the color scheme you chose for the picture gives the impression of peace and calm, as well as the idea that the karma being accumulated is good. I also like the description that you gave for karma beneath the picture. Moving on to the introduction, I love the way that you are presenting it! The idea of the stories being told as if they are news stories is great! I think that the way you chose to present Karma as if it is a news reporter is wonderful. It is going to be very interesting to keep up with as time passes. I love how energetic and fast paced the story seems like it will go. I think that the inclusion of King Dasharatha and his fate is a great way to display the effect of karma on someone. I also think that the inclusion of Ahalya is interesting, though I don't think that she should have been punished for what happened to her. Overall, I love the way you are doing this story and I look forward to seeing how it goes. Keep up the great work!!
ReplyDeleteGood morning Sehrish! I really enjoyed visiting your storybook page. On entering your website I found myself esthetically pleased by how everything was organized and color schemed. The whole black and blue thing you have going not only looks quite nice, but also gives a reader the feeling of something formidable or concrete such as Karma. I also found the definition on the first page to be a great decision. While some people may have a brief understanding of what Karma is, after visiting your cover page they have a decent understanding of what one of the most powerful forces in the universe actually is. Moving onto the introduction, I thought the stance of a news organization was rather clever. This news reporting sounds as if it will continue to be a fun and entertaining read. The way in which you set up the introduction and how you touched on what instances of Karma you might touch on in the future was a nice addition. I thought the lesson of time picture at the bottom of the page was pretty cool. It once again put the power of Karma into perspective but in a fun somewhat morbid kind of way. Well I thoroughly enjoyed everything have going on in your storybook, I look forward to reading more as it comes together.
ReplyDeleteCoverpage: I like your image, it looks very cool and modern and has a built-in slogan. I'm not so sure about the explanation of karma below it - it seems kind of out of place, though it is good information. Maybe put it in the intro?
ReplyDeleteIntro:
First, I just saw a big scary block of text!!! You could try double spacing, or breaking up the paragraphs to make it easier to read (especially on a computer screen).
Other than that, your premise is very neat and I love the way you characterize Karma. You explain how karma works while making it sound in-character as a reporter.
You use "God" once, which isn't exactly accurate to the Hindu setting, and you used Brahma elsewhere, so I would suggest changing that.
You do a good job previewing the stories you'll tell, though maybe you give a little too much detail up front. You could try writing them more like those teasers you hear from TV news all the time, or more like headlines.
1st story:
Karma sounds a little cruel, like he/she takes a bit too much pleasure in killing people. I get that it's a necessary job and a consequence of past actions, but maybe make it sound not so fun?
I like how Karma narrates throughout the story, adding little commentaries and personal opinions. The 'voice' in this story is very clear and unique.
Hey Sehrish! I chose you as my one free choice of the week since I did not get the opportunity to comment on your storybook project last week! I just got done reading your storybook: The Karma Times and I have to say it is a very clever and interesting concept! I love how you personified Karma as having a silly and haughty personality. All the titles for the various pages are so funny and truly make the character of karma feel omnipresent. Also I love the concept of how Karma plans some his deaths. Using the story of King Dasaratha in the forest was also very clever to convey the idea of Karma and what it is about. I feel that your storybook will do an adequate job in teaching the concept of Karma in a humorous and clever way. You have set yourself up well in the sense that you have a lot of room to work with in terms of choice of story and creativity wise because Karma is a very major factor throughout many Indian Epics. I can’t wait to see what other epics you choose to adapt into your storybook. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteHiya Sehrish,
ReplyDeleteI think your title screen is solid, but it could be spruced up in some way other than just displaying the word karma and its "motto". Is there a type of person or animal, (or even object) that better symbolizes karma? Since your karma character is a mercenary of sorts, maybe you can use that to your advantage in your pictures. You also talk about your character teaching others a proper lesson, so maybe your character could take on the persona of a teacher, professor, or wise old coot?
I think how your character likes to brag about his lessons he has given makes for an interesting exposition. "Hey guys, did you hear about this hitman job I did? Boy that was hard work, but here's my reasoning... (exposition of the story here)" And I think it works for you, although it can be a little long to read. I think instead of your character "knwoing" Dasarathra was going to eventually do something regrettable, it could be more interesting to also try to talk about how much you warned him. You could say, I tried to warn him by hiding his sandals that day, but he went ahead and hunted in his bare feet.
Hi Sehrish. Thanks for your comments on my storybook. I am glad to know that my storybook style is working, even though you have seen others with a similar theme that did not work so well. I was hoping I would be able to do the tv thing well, and it is reassuring to hear you liked it.
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish! Thanks for commenting on many of my blog posts. I also got to read some of your comments and they really have helped my posts get better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for helping my blog and storybook with you awesome comments!
ReplyDeleteSehrish,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments, especially those on my storytelling posts. Your comments have definitely helped me to improve my posts and add in more detail to various parts.
Hey Sehrish, thanks for all the feedback you have left me on my various posts. Your feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you can continue to give me ideas on how to improve my posts in the future.
ReplyDeleteHi Sehrish, thank you for all the comments you left on my page. They really helped in making my posts better and I hope you continue to comment!
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish, great job on your storybook project so far! It looks great and I enjoyed reading all your stories so far! Before I forget, I noticed that you misspelled Gautama throughout the whole story, I would definitely go back and change that and If it helps I always read out my story because without knowing I make the most silly mistakes. I think your idea for the whole storybook is solid and clear. I love how to chose to write the story in various manners. I enjoyed reading both the stories because they were not boring instead they were interesting the whole time. I think that is great because you don't want your readers to be bored. I love the picture you chose of Ahalya and Brahma it is such a beautiful picture I must say! Overall, I love the idea of your book and love the stories and pictures you chose. I would maybe chose some color or layout to interest your readers a little more. I think the cover page needs some color. I think If you add some color to the overall storybook it would bring great interest to the readers and make your book more appealing. Just some suggestions to think about! Overall, your book is great! Good job so far! Can't wait to read more stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish. I haven’t had a chance to look at your blog yet, so I thought that I could take a look at your storybook for my free choice this week.
ReplyDeleteCoverpage: I really like the picture and the colors that you used. Everything contrasts very well, making it easy to read all of the text.
Introduction: This is such a great idea for a storybook. I like how you discussed the way that karma takes various amounts of time to accomplish tasks. It was also really cool how you discussed the basic principles of karma (what goes around comes around). While the picture at the end had a good quote to summarize karma, I would also recommend including another picture somewhere earlier in your introduction of a news station or possibly what you think karma looks like. Overall, your introduction was very good. I really liked the sneak peak of the stories to come and am curious to see what your third and fourth stories will be about.
King Dasharatha’s Demise: This is a very interesting take on the story of Dasaratha killed the boy. One thing that I noticed was at the end of your story, the font changed a few times. Between your author’s note and bibliography. The only suggestion that I have would be to move the picture into your story, perhaps just below the story of when Dasaratha killed the boy.
Hi Sehrish! I think your idea for your storybook is really creative. Your website also fits your idea because newspapers are usually black and white. When I first saw your website I thought it was a simple looking website until I read your introduction that is when I understood why your page looked like it does. By the way it is not simple anymore. It is really cool how you managed to kind of personify karma into a news reporter with different projects of varying times. It’s a great way to explain karma and also tell a story at the same time. You also did a good job on providing a background on karma, especially when you said people blame karma for things which ties perfectly in with the news reporter thing because people usually blame media for things too. Your first news assignment was a very interesting read, and I liked how you left out the dead boy’s situation to leave that a suspense and let the readers imagine their own thing. You also did a good job of using this assignment to transition into your next post. Overall I think you did a great job on your story book posts and I hope to be reading more in the future.
ReplyDeleteHi Sehrish! I had a great first impression of your storybook! I love the layout of your cover page, and the colors are great. It looks intense and definitely drew my attention. I also really like the image you chose for you cover page. I think it gives the reader enough idea of what the storybook is going to be about and really makes the reader want to continue to read. I love the topic that you chose, I think it really stands out from the other storybooks and will be something really interesting to read. I think it is definitely a relatable topic. I really like the image that you chose to put in your introduction as well. It really puts things into perspective and makes you think deep about what karma is and how it surrounds us in everyday life, especially within nature. It really makes you reevaluate your life, but motivates you as well. As for your stories, I absolutely love your writing. It is simple, yet proves a point. I love the perspective that you have. The only thing I would suggest changing would be the font. Since you have a white background, I think you could really play around with the font and do something a little more interesting and exciting like the rest of your storybook! Overall GREAT job! I can't wait to read more of your storybook in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey, Sehrish! You came up with such a creative storybook topic – I’m very impressed! In your introduction, you did a wonderful job of being informative by throwing in examples of King Dasharatha and having Rama release Ahalya. Additionally, writing this storybook in first person has added a lot of room for fun narration and is such a unique view of what the personality of Karma would maybe be like. Additionally, your image was very relevant and fit in the introduction well. Your first story was very well-written and I appreciate how you wrote the story of the hunting incident in a concise way. Furthermore, I really like the image you chose- it was perfectly applicable and also added some color to the page. In your author’s note I saw that you were not sure if you were doing a good job of portraying Karma’s personality. Let me just tell you that you’re doing a wonderful job of portraying Karma’s personality and I appreciate the liveliness that you have given him. For the next story, I appreciate how you distinguished between how feelings were not Indra’s fault but his actions were since there’s definitely a difference. I agree with you that Ahalya was not at fault- it was disgusting what Indra dead and Ahalya shouldn’t be punished. After all, I think it is terrible enough for her to realize the mistake and live with the emotions she had afterwards. Great storybook and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi there Sehrish! I really liked reading your storybook story. You Karma Times newspaper turned out to be very interesting unlike other newspaper which are pretty boring to read. Your writing also got me interested to read further on into the story which usually doesn’t happen if I ever pick up a newspaper, I just read the big bold printed headlines and look at the cool pictures. I like how you were able to keep the newspaper scandalous but at the same time it also gave justice. It wasn’t something to just grab someone’s attention and gossip about stuff. I also liked the fact that Karma believed that Ahalya was not at fault. I thought it was really unfair that Ahalya got punished for something she was tricked into doing. I didn’t like that Gautama wasn’t taught a lesson either but you managed to explain to him what he did wrong in your version of the story too. Another cool thing you did was the all capital lettered words when you were trying to emphasize something. I could imagine you talking to me and getting all hyped up about it. I couldn’t really think of any ways you could make it better so I good job!
ReplyDeleteI have no Deadline: Just starting off, I love the idea of a Karma newspaper, as well as the personification of Karma. This introduction is absolutely great!!! I like that you have Karma as an agent of for Brahma and that not only is he an enforcer, he is also a reporter. It thought it was interesting how Karma was after King Dasharatha for the act of killing that child. This was interesting because no matter how much good he did for the people he ruled over, Karma was still after him for his bad deed. I really liked how you included the story of Ahalya and how Karma did not truly fault anyone but Indra in her story.
ReplyDeleteKing Dasharatha’s Demise: When I read the part of the story where Dasharatha blindly shot at what he thought was an animal I too thought about why he did not look before he shot. Growing up with my dad being a hunter I know NEVER to shot at something unless you know exactly what it is you are shooting at and want to kill it. I liked how Karma was talking from present day, but the stories were older.
Ahalya's Massive Misconception: What did Karma think of Indra’s thousand female parts being turned into eyes? Was this fair in the eyes of Karma? Even though Narayan’s version of this part is a little bit more graphic, I liked it better. I am glad that you based your story off of his version instead of Buck’s. I really like Karma’s voice. I like the way he is a little sassy and funny, but very serious about his job. You did a great job!! I really enjoyed reading this!!!
On first visiting your storybook I noticed the high contrast between the black and white backgrounds. I think this complements your karma theme very well, as does the image you chose for your coverage. I thought "I Have No Deadline" was a clever title for your introduction. You did a great job emphasizing the Karma has no set schedule, and operates at its' own pace. I also liked that you mentioned how karma is ultimately unavoidable. You also did a great job explaining how karma works, and that it is a direct result of the actions of an individual. I thought the example you used with King Dasharatha was a great way to tie in the story with your storybook theme. The image in this section of your storybook was a great was to get the reader to think about the concept of karma.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a great job with "King Dasharatha's Demise". You did an excellent job of personifying karma, and getting into the head of karma as a character. This way a great way to tell the story of King Dasharatha while also explaining the outcome of the story from karma's perspective. I think that your shortening of the story worked very well here, as you included the major plot points that would have affected his karma.
Hey Sehrish! I chose you as my free choice this week because I wanted to see the latest additions to your storybook: The Karma Times: I See Everything. I just finished reading your story about King Dasharatha's Demise and it did not disappoint! Often times these epics have very extreme and weird circumstances that are hardly relatable but I feel like the character of Karma does a good job of making fun of the characters' often ridiculous actions. For example when you talked about King Dasharatha using only his hearing to kill animals. Karma's comments about how dumb and ridiculous this was makes the story quite humorous and mirror thoughts I often have when reading these epics. I really like how Karma is completely ridiculing the actions of Dasharatha throughout the story and really drives home the point that he had it coming. Leaving out the part where the king helps the blind parents also helps make it seem more like Dasharatha had it coming. I think you are doing a great job of personifying Karma and I really like his personality. It adds more layers and depth to the story through a different perspective. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey, Sehrish! I really like your storybook. I’ve already commented on the introduction and first story, so I’ll focus more on the last two. To start off, I love the alliteration in the titles – that’s so catchy and makes it that much more fun to read. Furthermore, I love the personality you have given Karma. In your author’s note you helped make him seem more human – like you said, he gets nervous and anxious, but he also does a good job. I appreciate how you put two pictures for the last story – it definitely helped give color to the black and white page, and helped me visualize the story as it progressed. The spacing for different paragraphs was also great because it helped break up the story. I found one typo on the last story “but he had a cursed placed on him” but it didn’t interfere with how I read the story at all. That’s simply one of the only improvements I could find. Lastly, the blog is set up nicely and is so easy to read since it’s mostly black and white, but I also like the aqua blue used for an accent color. I’m really looking forward to reading your final story – keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHello Sehrish! I had not yet read your storybook, so I only really had time to read the introduction and first story. Overall, on first reading, fantastic work! You did a great job with the personality of Karma, and the details in the stories and the fact that they were so true to the epics was perfect. The images you used enhanced the karmic feel of the tales, and the black and white layout made the entire thing feel like a straightforward, no-nonsense news source. That being said, I found a few minor mistakes.
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction, “I Have No Deadline,” there are a couple of errors I picked up on. For one, when you state, “Sometimes I work very quick. . .” this should actually be quickly. Later on the page, when speaking of Dasharatha’s death, you have “. . .a lot of planning and work though.” Here, you need to insert a comma after “work.” In the same paragraph, you have “. . . Ahalya back into his life,” when it should be, “. . . Ahalya back in his life.”
In “King Dasharatha’s Demise,” there are also a couple errors that I noted. In the opening paragraph, it should be consequences of not consequences from. The placement of “off the bat” in the third paragraph, while not outright wrong, is awkward to read. In the second last paragraph, I would put “of how what goes around,” rather than just “how what goes around” to make the sentence structure more parallel and thus smoother. And in the last sentence, you put “Ahayla” instead of “Ahalya.” All small things, easily fixed.
Seriously, though, you have done a great job on your storybook! What with the vindictive yet compassionate and justified characterization of Karma and the choice of stories through which to emphasize Karma’s roles in the epics, fantastic work!!
Hey there Sehrish. This is the first time that I have had the opportunity to read your storybook and I am throughly impressed with the path you have taken. I love the newspaper concept that you are working with and the style of storytelling you have chosen to use. Your introduction looks very strong thus far, other than a few grammatical issues it adequately describes your character and how the stories are to be told.
ReplyDeleteI think you have done a very good job with your first story and I really enjoyed reading it. I like the personality that you have given Karma and I think it helps the reader to better connect with your stories. I also liked that you explained the thought process that Karma goes through when deciding how he should reward or punish his cases. I think this helped to bring life to something that in the minds of most is just common saying.
As with the first story, your second story was also written quite well and I like the image that you chose to use. I think you provided a good background story to help the reader understand why Karma was needed to dal with these people while also not giving away too much information. You are doing a wonderful job so far with your stories and I hope to read more of them very soon. Keep up the great work.
Hi Sehrish, first off I would like to say I think you have a really creative theme for your storybook! The cover page does not do the rest of the pages justice, but I also realize it must be hard to find a picture clearly representing Karma so that is why you chose the simple word. The phrases ‘I see everything’ and ‘I have no deadline’ as your titles for the first two pages in your storybook fits the ideas of Karma well. The phrases ‘I see everything’ and ‘I have no deadline’ as your titles for the first two pages in your storybook fits the ideas of Karma well so I think this was a thoughtful choice. The introduction you created sets up the character of Karma and explains how the stories will be told so that works perfect. I like how Karma is a reporter assigned to this newspaper by Brahma. This makes them seem more ‘humanly’ so does your description of Karma’s emotions in the story I chose to read. Since Sita is my favorite character in the Ramayana, the story I chose to read for this post was ‘Sita’s Scorching Struggle’. I like the details you include before explaining Karma’s work in this situation to help the reader get a sense of the story’s background. Also, I thought the inclusion of the two pictures really add dimension to this story giving a visual representation of the peril Sita is facing that Karma must rescue her innocent heart from. Great work on this project!
ReplyDeleteHi Sehrish! I chose to do my extra credit for the first time in this class and chose you to comment on. Like you said in the author’s note, I also thought it was pretty sad and also unfair that Sita had to jump in the fire to prove her innocence to Ram, even though she remained faithful and loyal to Ram the whole time. I feel like Ram should have trusted her and not test her. I think you did a great job of being the reporter like usual and giving Sita the justice that she deserved. The story was really easy to read, I did not really notice any grammar errors so I read through it very smoothly. I also thought you did a good job on making the reader feel like he or she was there at the time with the amount of description you put in and also the anxiousness of the reporter. Overall I think you did a great job like usual and also I could not find anything wrong or think of anything to make your story better. Good job, and I hope to be back to be reading more of your news reports.
ReplyDeleteI am from the Mythology class so I decided to pick your story for extra credit this week! I think it is so fun to have the opportunity to read stories from the other class that is on totally different material! I really like your cover page, I feel that you did a great job of keeping things simple but still were able to get your theme across. I think the colors work really well together and that the picture looks good in the middle of the page, great job!
ReplyDeleteI love your ‘I Have no Deadline’ story! I think it is such a creative and great idea to center your story on karma, I am too an avid believer in karma. I think that it is cool that the karma is speaking and explaining how people can be angry with him but at the end of the day he is simply giving them what they have already given to others. Great introduction page!
In your story ‘King Dasharatha’s Demise’ I think it is a very good idea that he has karma coming to him even though he is a king! Is so irresponsible of him to just be shooting his gun anywhere he pleases so it is good that karma has been sent.
I picked your story for the free week! The first thing I noticed, of course, was the cool background you chose! It definitely reminded me of a newspaper. I chose to read your storybook because I have enjoyed reading about karma over the course of this class and how it was used in the Indian Epics. I really like the personality that you gave the narrator and how you made the narrator karma! It was funny reading about "planning a job for months" and the title "I Have No Deadline" was pretty funny. Really great job at your introduction! I just thought it was extremely clever and was a perfect way to explain karma! I thought it was funny when you talked about the different "jobs" that karma had been working on. All your stories flowed so well and were very easy to read! You are so incredibly creative! I like how you connected all the stories and made all of them so similar. I think you picked the perfect stories to retell and did a great job explaining how you used the stories in your author's notes! Really great job on this story! This is definitely one of my favorites that I've gotten to read!
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish! Seeing that we had three free choices this week, I decided to revisit some of my favorite storybooks so far and see how they had progressed. And boy am I glad that I revisited yours! Last time I visited your site, it was pretty much black and white, and overall quite plain. Now, though, it looks awesome! I really like the newspaper background you chose, as it really helps set the atmosphere of this being a paper. One thing I might watch is the color of your background and text, as the black on gray makes it semi-difficult to read. Maybe change to white text? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteSo I decided to read your story “Ahalya’s Massive Misconception” this week, and I came in pretty invested as this is one of my favorite tales from the epics and honestly one I thought was unfair to all parties involved (minus Indra—he deserved what he got, haha). But onto your story!!
First off, I really love how you point how much of a bad idea it was to put all the beauty in the world in a single individual; so many problems could have been avoided if the gods in various religions/mythologies had a lick of sense. *sigh* In your story, you do a great job of focusing on how people with good intentions can make bad choices and how all choices, good or bad, have their consequences. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook!!
Hey Sehrish! I decided to choose your storybook as one of my free choices for this week's assignment. I'm glad I did! You're working with some great material here, but before I comment on your intro/first story, let me say a few things about the layout and general appearance of your site. Everything is cleanly laid out, so no complaints there. If I had to nitpick, I would suggest rethinking the light blue on a dark gray background. It might cause readers undue eye strain. The same goes for the very bright background image. Other than that, everything looks great! Now onto your content--it's excellent! Writing from the PO of Karma was a fantastic idea, and it works to great effect in your stories. I couldn't help but pity Dasaratha. Karma was a little harsh on him I think, especially for something that was truly an accident. Your writing is free of errors and flows nicely, and that's always something I appreciate when reading others' work. Keep up the good work! The end of the semester is just right around the corner.
ReplyDeleteHello Sehrish! I decided to venture over to your storybook for my free choice this week and I am really glad I stopped by. Right when I got to your storybook, I found your storybook layout to be really awesome. I like bright images, so I thought your layout was really good. It was different than all the other storybooks I have read, so I found that to be really interesting as well. The newspaper background is really unique as well! I have not found anything like that on anyone else's blog, so it was really cool to read something on the newspaper background. I have to agree with others, that the color of the font was a little hard to read. Maybe change it up a bit so us who have bad eyes can easily see what you are typing without our contacts in! I like how you point out that not one individual should hold all the beauty in the world. I think that is important to touch on in your story, because I thought it was strange when I read the epics. I think you do a great job incorporating that into your story. Overall, great storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish, I just finished reading the latest additions to your storybook: The Karma Times: I See Everything, and really did not foresee you taking the last two stories in the direction that you did to be honest. I thought all three of these stories would be revenge stories where something the person did ends up coming back to be their undoing but these stories are about close calls with death as well. I was not expecting to read such stories but I am still impressed with the stories. Both stories are very well written and once again, the personality that you have created for Karma really shines in these stories. You did a great job of showing the good sides of karma and not just the bad results which is something my mind did not even go to. I really appreciated the story about Sita, because I also feel that she was not treated very well throughout the stories that we read. It was nice to see that Karma came through for her and saved her from burning in the fire in her test for Rama. The way Karma goes about saving Sita is very clever and well written. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Sehrish! It was great reading your final storybook project. It is amazing how it has come together. I really like how I got to see how it all came along. The theme of your storybook project is similar to mine except I chose to write stories about karma in children’s stories where as your storybook is about Karma as a person telling stories about his lifetime. I really liked all of your stories, but I mainly appreciated the story about King Dashratha. This was just mainly because that was one of my favorite stories throughout this class period and was one of the greatest times Karma has came into effect. You also did a really great job writing this story and made sure to always keep the reader interested. I also really enjoyed your introduction. It was great how you introduced Karma as a person. This was a theme that was really highlighted in the introduction and told the readers what they were getting themselves into. Another thing that I really liked was the whole page setup, it was really great and the colors were also greatly chosen. They seemed to highlight the main things on the page and make them really standout. I really liked how this storybook has turned out.
ReplyDeleteHi Sehrish. Thank you for all of your comments over the semester. I especially appreciate your comments on my storytelling posts. Your comments provided positive feedback which really helped, as I am not a confident creative writer.
ReplyDeleteHi Sehrish, thank you for all your comments that you left me through out the semester. i enjoyed reading them and using to my advantage and making my posts better. Thanks again!
ReplyDelete